Church, Children, and saying Grace.

I miss saying grace with my family.

It used to be what we did - at my request -  at meals, at home, out to eat, wherever,
Even my granddaughter said grace with us, till one day she decided she didn't want to hold hands and say grace, so we didn't make her, then - somewhere the past few years it just stopped completely.

I miss the handholding, taking turns praying,  I miss that a lot. Although it got to the point where no one would but Daryl or myself. That's when I think it just stopped.

My kids didn't want to participate and I felt I was pushing my need to thank God onto them when they did not feel the same.

Three of the four have told me they just don't believe.
They aren't atheists just agnostic (as they have told me).

I don't know when this changed, or started, probably when we left the church we attended with our kids for over 11 years,

When I grew up my  parents were not active church going people. I never saw my dad in church unless it was for a Christmas pageant or a wedding  The first time I remember attending church was when we moved to Texas. My mom took us to church for a while when we lived at Carswell, she even assisted teaching Sunday school.  I went to Sunday school and Church service until we moved away from Carswell. That was from about 1972-1975.

My family moved to Everman, and my sister Laura and I would ride the bus to the baptist church on Wichita every week, Then we stopped when the bus stopped picking us up.

Less than a year later I started going to an Assembly of God church with my best friend, I publically accepted God there.  I loved the people, the Missionettes, I loved my best friend Lisa and her family, I had times I was uncomfortable (speaking in tongues was something I had never seen) But I attended for about 2 years with my friend, I am not sure when I stopped, but it wasn't long after that I got married. (I was 16 1/2 when we married)

I base my religious preferences on the church we attended at Carswell - my first experience in attending. The chapel had two services, one for Catholic members, one for Protestant members - it was - as I learned as an adult - more Methodist in format. So I felt very comfortable attending a Methodist church after we got married.

Then I visited a Baptist church, Decided it wasn't for me, I was never comfortable with the raised hand praying. And I loved the "traditional" format of the Methodist church.

But when we finally found Trinity in 1988 I felt right. I felt this was the place we belonged.we joined a Cumberland Presbyterian church and knew that was what God wanted for our family.

I loved Trinity from the day I was invited to visit, I was very active, I played handbells, was active in several groups, absolutely loved our first minister Bob.
Even Daryl who had been reluctant to attend  - since he had attended Baptist churches growing up - He really liked Bob.

And when Bob left after about a year,  I felt even more fond of our second one.

Vernon was great, he had kids my son's ages, he always made me feel part of things.
He was there when my marriage fell apart, and he was there when we put things back together and remarried.
He was someone I felt I could trust with anything. Then when I wasn't attending regularly, I was pregnant with Becca, and having lots of problems, anyhow somehow things in our church family changed, and he left. It seemed very sudden to me, I was out of the loop while on bedrest and never realized he was being made to leave.  (If I didn't go, Daryl didn't go - he never would go without me)

After Vernon left things were never the same there for me. We were without a permanent leader for a while, then when they finally got one, it didn't take long for me to see he just wasn't what our church needed, or maybe what *I* needed...  It was during his tenure that we left.

Daryl and I were remarried in our church, by Vernon. both my boys were baptised when we joined, by Bob. My girls were baptised as infants there, But when Jessie was about 3 or 4 things had changed so much and I didn't feel "at home" there anymore.

We attended a Baptist church for about 2 years and it was an ok fit, girls enjoyed children's church, and Awana, But in the end it felt the people there cared more about things, and less about God. So we left.

Even if we didn't have a home church, I made sure to keep God in our lives, we prayed, I made sure my girls went to VBS every single summer until they were too old.

I visited many other churches, never found the right fit. so I don't attend church.

It doesn't make me less a Christian, or less a person. I still pray, I read my bible, I believe what I do.

Somewhere down the road my kids chose differently.  They don't share my beliefs. I don't know why, probably because we didn't continue going to church when they were tweens and teens.

I don't love them any less, I am sad about it, and I get upset if they argue with me about it. (which I wish I did not, but it does hurt that they feel the way they do.) I get upset when I see things posted that are "anti-Christian" on Facebook, One recently posted article really bugged me, but I didn't comment, just know that there are those I love and care about (family and friends alike) that do not believe in God.


I pray for my kids daily. I know God takes care of them, even if they don't "believe" in my God.

But I do miss saying grace with my family.